Qualifying Results

Wizards of Speed rides heavy! Chauncey Redmond Jr. achieves "Stalin-like" status after his victory at Bristol, solidifying his place among the Extravaganza elite. The previous week, Molemar overcame his fear of the Darlington minnow pond. "My aunt Janet got killed by a snapping turtle" said Molemar. "I get nervous around water ever since." Fortunately, Heiniken and Bepis were the only two liquids floating in victory lane, with confetti swirling down in spades. Even team manager Shyrone Parkman is surprised. "We thought Lucas Racing would give us the hand-me-downs", crediting engine builder Tony Tonto for their recent success. "Their race shop makes the Pentagon look like a trash can. We've got it made!" Given Lucas Racing's success at Talladega, look for Molemar and Redmond to run strong again.

Zach Michael re-takes the points lead! He finished four spots ahead of Tony Pizzaro at Bristol, each limping to three laps down after an adventurous 500-lap pilgrimage. "We felt like pilgrims every time we got lapped" said Michael. The comment went viral on social media, criticized by the families of the original 1620 crew. "I will never watch Extravaganza again!" said Frank Billington, angered by Michael's dissertation. "He has forsaken the name of the Mayflower; a pure act of Beelzebub!" Michael responded, asserting the Santa Maria as a superior ship. He will start 33rd respectively, with Alex Crapser on the pole.

Friday, April 25th, 7:00 ET